SPB | Sentient Piss Bag | Part Three




Hello again, by now you should all know me and my situation, but in case you're new around here, my name is Rost'd. Around this time two years ago, I presented a snapshot featuring a zip-loc bag of bodily waste. More specifically, the kind of waste that results from human kidneys filtering out toxins in the body. Urine, in layman's terms. Since then, I have posted two follow-up articles exploring the bag's seemingly sentient qualities. These articles can be found here.

At the end of my previous post, I promised that I would post yet another follow-up if I survived long enough to do so. I'm honestly as shocked as you are that I am alive to make this article. The last year has been littered with danger. It all started with my pal Tony's unfortunate early demise. Which, to this day, is still a little sad. I don't like it when otherworldly bags of piss kill my friends. It was at that point I realized that my quest to slay the bag would not be possible by myself. It took a lot of convincing, but eventually, Nathan granted me a small portion of our science team, along with four elite members of our private military, to help investigate and hunt the Sentient Piss Bag.

For months we searched every nook and cranny of Tony's apartment, hoping to find any evidence that the piss bag may have been left behind. Things weren't looking good and we were about to give up when a sudden miracle came upon us. One of the soldiers opened Tony's nightstand drawer and found that it was full of pee.


We pulled the drawer out of the nightstand and sealed it in a bio-hazard container. After a quick lab analysis, we discovered trace amounts of Tony's DNA within the peewee. I was struck with sudden renal heart failure at the betrayal. Had Tony been working alongside the Piss Bag all along? Plotting to kill me? Or perhaps he made a deal to protect me. I- I don't know. To this day I still phase in and out of severe psychotic episodes trying to process what we found.

The discovery brought us back to Tony's house. This time we would be forced to put on our brave boy pants and actually go into the bathroom. One of the soldiers took point and breached into the bathroom only to be sent into a fatal freefall. Somebody had replaced Tony's bathroom with the Drakensberg Mountain. The rest of us carefully stepped through the door, taking special note not to fall because well, if we fall we would die and that would be not okay.

After several hundred hours of accidentally climbing horizontally instead of vertically, we started the long tiresome journey to the top of the mountain. Once at the peak, we were met with three entities. A knight garnished with piss gold plate armor, a decaying corpse reanimated by piss, and a skeleton formed out of solid poo. The Piss Zombie lunged at the captain, tearing his throat out almost instantly.

"Holy crap! Are you okay?" I exclaimed.

No response.

I could only fear the worst, the captain was.... .... dead...... I only barely managed to prevent the fear and shock from consuming my mind and sending me into a feral rage.

"You're going to pay for that," I stared at the zombie with an angry face >:( before quickly crafting a crude net gun, firing it at the zombie, "Owned."

The zombie was entangled in the net, the other two piss entities just stared. I walked over to the captain's corpse, and took off his brave boy pants, putting them on myself. I now wore two layers of brave boy pants. The fabric imbued me with such powerful bravery that I completely blacked out for the rest of the fight. All I know is that I won, and managed to successfully contain all three piss entities. I brought them to the designated piss containment facility, which was conveniently built just twelve minutes before this whole fiasco took place.

Mission Successful.

Although the main antagonist is still out there somewhere, I call it a great success we were able to capture three of its minions. We have no idea how many more are out there, or where the piss bag even is at this point if he even still exists. As always, I will keep you all updated should I survive to do so. For now, I rest well knowing that the piss demons are contained securely, and that nothing will go wrong.


Want to experience Sentient Piss Bag for yourself? Well now you can! Play the demo of Five Dumps at Nathans!

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