How to be a College Superstar!

Updated: Jul 26

Without a doubt going into college can be one of the most nerve-racking experiences of your teenage years. Leaving behind all your friends, family, everything familiar and stepping into a new environment full of new people. It's both a terrifying endpoint and a beautiful new beginning ripe with opportunity. I, Generic, am going to help YOU make the most out of your first year of college, so stick around and really listen to my advice, alright?


Your behavior in class.

Going to class is what you're paying an ungodly large sum for, so you might as well make the most out of it. These two quick tips will help you excel to the top of your class academically and socially!


1. Flex your mental prowess.

College and University is a place where you are meant to further develop your mental capabilities in a variety of subjects. It is imperative that you put your abilities on display for all your peers to observe. Employing the use of more complex vocabulary when answering your professor's inquiries - even at periods where the word or phrase would not make sense to be expelled is a delectable way to gain notoriety among your fellow man. You'd also be wise to seek out your mentor's errors and correct them when the situation permits it. This will not only accentuate your above-average intellect but also aid your classmates in completing the curriculum with even better marks on their report cards.


2. Help others

Helping your classmates doesn't necessarily mean giving them the answers to homework or helping them cheat on a test. You can also help them by making sure they stay attentive during the entirety of the professor's lecture. If you spot a group of kids near you chatting up a storm, make sure to reach out and tell them they need to quiet down. If this doesn't work you could always raise your hand to get your professor to step in and quiet them down. They might call you a bitch, but the best heroes are those who are hated by the people they save.


3. Bring a nice meal.

Eating is a very essential activity if you want to stay alive. Make sure you always bring a satisfying meal that hits all five food groups to a lecture. Oh, and if you're a good chef who knows their way around spices and herbs make sure to spice it up! A strong spicy smell will not only get your mouth watering, but your classmates will also drool over themselves day dreaming about getting to taste your wonderful cooking.


Romantic Relationships

Will update this section once I have experience.


Update 7/26/2022

For the love of God do not enter a relationship, genuinely the worst mistake of my life so far. I have never been more hurt by a single human being than I have now.


Attire

What you're wearing is the first thing a person sees, so if you ever want to escape your pitiful lonely existence, you're going to want to know how to dress fashionably.


Men

Alright boys, let's be real with each other. One of the things you're gonna love most about college is all the hot chicks you'll be shooting your shot with. Women are going to notice how you dress, take care of yourself, and all that feminine bullcrap that you've been spending the last 18 years ignoring - as you should. Unfortunately there are times in life where we have to actually indulge in things we dislike, no matter how feminine they are. So, let's talk about good dressing that will get the ladies all over you, shall we?





Guys, trust me. In one fell swoop this outfit reveals that not only are you super vibrant, but that you're also an athletic prodigy.


Women

Obviously the only reason you guys are in college is for parties, sororities, and whatever other fun you can have in college. So you guys should dress accordingly.


This all in one outfit will show off how much of a party girl you are and make you the star of every party you feel generous enough to attend! Go get em girl!


Non-binary/Fluid

You lot can mix and match the vibrant Nike-fit with the scandalous pilgrim attire and become the real winners of college. I envy you! Or should I say enby? ahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha


Your relationship with your roomie.

Your relationship with your roommate is going to be the single most important you'll form. So you're really gonna want to pay attention to this section. The last thing you'd want is to be known as the guy or gal that was so bad their roommate had to apply for a different room.


1. Don't clean your room.

The last thing you want is for your roommate to think you're some sort of snuck-up snob who needs everything to be super tidy and overly organized. This is college, not your broken family home, chill out and enjoy it. Your roommate will also feel much more comfortable approaching you if you show off how laid-back you are.


2. Invite random people over.

When you're watching a young adult coming of age film what characters are usually the most interesting and well developed? The jocks who throw parties. Show your roommate how awesome you are by inviting all your friends over to your dorm without consulting him first. They'll be so impressed and surprised to see how socially in-tune you are that they'll be begging to be your friend.


3. Stay up all night.

Only a loser dork would go to bed at reasonable times. You're going to want to show your roommate that you're not afraid to crank out three all-nighters in a row blasting all your favorite songs, playing the hottest new games, and all-around having a blast with yourself and hopefully them! Remember, sleep is for the weak.


Closing Statement


If you follow this guide to a T you should be the most popular and sought-after man/woman/other in your college. Go get 'em, tiger! Make these next four years worth depressingly reminiscing on when you're 37 and in a failing marriage!

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